organisational skills

I thought mine were bad. Apparently not. I want to have a New Years Party, and have put forth this idea to my friends, but they seem reluctant to decide and have made a VOTE to decide whats going to happen. I so far have two days. I need to take action, or I am going to burst and nothing is going to happen. House Party it is.

God & Heritage; Blog Response

I can't believe that was the last time I am going to hear that really slow 'Rob's Blog' which I have come to find so funny and comforting, for some weird reason. You may think me weird and totally obsessed AGAIN but Rob, you get me thinking an awful lot about Harry Potter, and your whole ' I have one word to say to you - floorboards' definitely reminds me of Dumbledore's 'Twitment, Ointment, Blubber, Tweak' when he tells us he has a few words to say. I am not sure what I think about when you say Church Heritage so I am going to listen to floorboards... I have never thought about the wearing away of the floorboards, and now I think about it, as a lot of those people would have been older, they really would have been shuffling. But as for continuing to wear the floorboards, you have kind of stopped that with the whole carpet idea! I have definitely gained something, and I don't want to be the last link in the chain, but to make sure I am not, I am going to carry on being open about my faith and talking about it to others because I know that it will get through to somebody, no matter how little or large a difference it makes to their life. At least I'll feel like I've played my part. I ask only one thing in return. Can I have that Café Sundae Jigsaw or has somebody already called dibs? (Unless it's God himself, I win.)

Oops.

You know that old joke about the balloon world and the girl who took a needle into school and let everyone down including herself? Well I feel like that right now. I managed to go two and a half months without drinking, decide that Christmas I deserve a treat, feel like shit, and end up in the old position of my friends either supporting me or judging me or talking about me. Neither of which is good, trust me. I'm in the position now of lying on a friends floor wanting to leave because I want to be in my room able to wake up when I want and do my work when I can. But I've put myself in this position. Again. Weirdly it's the friends who aren't here who I am letting down. My closest friends, the ones I care about the most. And because I know I'll never be able to tell them what I've done tonight, I put it on here in the hope that it will help me forget it and remember what good friends I have, and to true their judgement. It's usually the right one. Let's just hope they don't find this until I find the courage to apologise fully for everything i have ever done wrong. And that goes out to one person in particular. For now, I'm sorry I let myself go, I hate myself for it and I am never doing this again. Ever.

"everything will work out fine in the end"

One of my best friends last night repeated this line to me last night, after a long chat and an even longer journey for our friendship. It made me realise what amazing friends I have and that I should focus on those who appreciate me and treat me as a friend rather than a joke. I had an amazing night while experiencing cutting someone out, and I intend to keep it that way for as long as I can. I have to talk to one person to sort things out but hopefully I'll get to do that before Christmas so I can start 2011 afresh.

friends worth fighting for

Although this is pretty contradictory, I do have some good friends who I fight for and I value their friendship very highly in my list. I'm glad to say the list of the friends I would fight for and I value their friendship is of an acceptable length, but I am struggling with one name in particular. But where to put you? It's all here in my head. What list? Valued Friend, Friend, or different to either of those.

advice.

Given by a friend, taken by me. I'm so glad I have finally worked up the strength to take such advice, I never thought I'd manage to do it, but I finally have. Even someone else noticed that I had yesterday. I'm happier now. Two reasons for this. One of them being the advice taking is going smoothly. The other being my new friend Robert. Such fun we had at the cinema, and he invited me out again. To the cinema, the ice rink, a numerous collection of places. All to take place after placement. OK we have essays to do, but we have two weeks and then Christmas holidays in which to do them, so I am going to have fun times with Robert, especially if it makes me happy like I am :)

?question?

It took me a while to make that, and I don't know if you complete it. I don't want to ask either, just in case. Is this classed as worrying? I'm not even sure anymore. I hope you do do it, it would help, maybe, and maybe one day I could read it. Who knows?
Or maybe I just leave it and trust in you that you do it and you will be okay in the end because I trust in you and I won't worry. I know which I WANT to feel, it's just a matter of which I DO.

not about placement.

This isn't about placement, it is about the other thing that usually gets me raving on here. Friendship. I don't even know what my friendship with some people is anymore, I am way too confused. Robert for example asked me to go and see Harry Potter with him. I'm not going to lie, it made my week, but I don't want to ruin an amazing friendship... I think I'll have to play this one by ear. I am a little confused about some of the other people in my life right now, but for now, I'll have to stay confused, because I am not supposed to be worrying... I'M NOT WORRYING. Now I know what happens when all the stress piles up. Unfortunately I don't know how to remove said stress... I need help. There's a few people I could ask, I'm just not sure how. Considering showing them my blog has become a serious prospect.

oh and...

after successfully forgetting, and my patience being tested because it was two weeks, I found out that I have until Christmas to make the most of the friendship I have with Cassie. That's five weeks, and I am on placement for three. She is going to drop out of uni so I won't see her as much as I'd like. It's not like I don't have other friends, but... it's Cassie.

Thankyou Café Sundae

Dear Helen, Rob, Will and Carrie

If I was available, I would be saying this, but unfortunately, I have to be doing five essays starting tomorrow morning so I am trusting my mum to make as good a job of it as I would. I would like to thank you on behalf of all the people who have ever attended Café Sundae and all the people who still do, because I personally have got so much out of it. It has helped me see things in new lights and has definitely increased my confidence levels a little bit (not that they needed raising). I am sure that all the people here and who can't be here tonight would like to thank you as well, as you have truly done an amazing job and I think it's wonderful and I'm not going to lie, I did cry a little bit when I found out because I will miss you guys so much. You have been amazing, and I hope that you manage to touch people's lives in your new paths in the way you've touched mine. And to quote Bruno Mars: 'coz guys you're amazing, just the way you are'. Thank you especially for casting me as her majesty Tait Modern, she's amazing too, but I think you guys knock her one down because of the great thing you've created with Café Sundae: getting young people more involved in church, me especially, who at the time it was introduced needed a kick. Thank you very much, I'll miss you. I think you actually deserve a round of applause. And a well done sticker each. I should also mention David, who was there at the start of all this and created the legend of Jeremy Vile, who I am sure we will never forget. So thanks to all of you again, for your brilliant invention.

Love From Catherine

Goodbye Café Sundae

So I heard the news. This is the final Café Sundae. It obviously is because a year without Tait Modern wasn't working for you right? You missed me too much. And now for my blog report.
I have noticed the difference it makes to children when they learn to read, I have taught a few, and I see that light switch on and in the next lesson, I see the progress they've made. And I'll tell you what, it comes in handy when you are making lesson plans and evaluations, but it really makes you feel like you have made a difference. Having just read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows for the fifth time, I hear your 'Holy Grail for extra money' as a Hallows quest, because I'm that obsessed. Doing things to other people (stealing their jobs would be the Imperius Curse) in pursuit of money - that'd be Voldemort(we're allowed to say the name now). And it isn't OK for people to look for money like this, I mean, it didn't work out too well for our pal Voldemort in the end did it? And as Grandpa George says in Charlie and the Chocolate factory - 'There's plenty of money out there. They print more every day. But this ticket, there's only five of them in the whole world, and that's all there's ever going to be. Only a dummy would give this up for something as common as money. Are you a dummy?' Well I'm no dummy, I'd definitely take that Golden ticket. I ALSO don't have an interest in the financial markets, that's Chris' job, and it is also the reason that I am the typical student who ends up with no money come the Christmas holidays and I complain when my student loan hasn't come through. That's as much as I know about finance. As a maths specialist I feel I should know more, but as a teacher with maths as her specialism I can say that I observed how you used your fingers to count down and take away, and I will praise you for that Rob, well done, have a sticker. That's how my mind works. And, er the money that disappeared off your desk? You probably spent it on an oyster card top-up, that's what I usually do. Or chocolate (here's hoping I'll get a golden ticket).

Forgetting...

Is a lot harder than I planned it to be. I thought I could do it, just forget about it for a while and wait you know, but I'm not patience is one of those things I was in line for when God handed traits out... I must have been doing something else. I mean, come on, A WEEK. REALLY?

Placement. DayOne.

It says 'DayOne' like this is going to end up being some daily diary blog. Yeah right. Only when things are going catastrophically bad or I have major feelings do things go on here during placement. And today, it just so happens that I do. DayOne went well. I would like to elaborate but I fear that elaborating will invite Sod and his law to come jumping in on the situation. Yeah, that's what I believe in. God, and Sod. There's no two ways about it. Well, apart from there being two people...

(no subject) honestly

Forgive and Forget.

not even two weeks

So much has happened. I spoke to Charlie. I even told her about this blog, which no one except Cassie knows about. I was talking to her for FOUR HOURS about, well, everything. Everything that I have been sad about or happy about or thinking about since getting back to university in September. And that's a LOT of thought, let me tell you. The average person would probably not have had as many thoughts, I however, had just under four hours worth. After sorting out the mess with our friendship. Which surprisingly took no time at all. As soon as she opened the door and said 'Hi, come in', it was pretty much sorted. We just went over some of the finer details for a short while. Unfortunately MOST of my thoughts this term have been not of the happy variety, but those which have, seemed to enthrall Charlie and we laughed about them and we discussed certain possibilities. I talk of course, about Iran, the boy which I am so infatuated with. I can't even decide why. The bad stuff? Well I didn't discuss it all - some of it is not okay to share, but that which I did share, she helped me decide on a route I should take to deal with the matter, and has been helping me since. Friendship reigns.

I had a date with Grace yesterday. Not a love date. A friend date. She's my friend. It was, well hilari-i. And yes, that IS a word. It involved squirrels, leaves, chicken, and a small portion of the library. Not in that order, but nevertheless, it was great fun.

I realised just now, Cassie has not appeared in my blogs of recent. She is still and will be for a long while I feel (and hope), my best friend. She is one in a million, like a star, just... closer. We have so much fun together it just is hard for anyone else to understand, so I am not sure they understand our relationship. Which OK might be a little different because we see each other most days and nearly live in each others pockets, but I appreciate everything she does for me, and I hope she feels the same way about me. She also recently introduced me to her awesome friend Chris. He is, in a word, EPIC. As in, maybe the best male I have ever come across. I have only known him for about two moths and I really admire him, and respect him.

End of thought bubble. I have AMAZING friends. Right?

what a difference

I am still praying for Charlie. Praying she'll see that I have FINALLY come to my senses and I am hoping that after I talk to her, she will still regard me as one of her friends. If not, well... It will. I need to start looking on the bright side and start focusing on things I have rather than things I don't. I'll sort this out tomorrow and see what happens. God it better go well. Unfortunately, I'm not good at things like this.

not drinking

worked out fine on Friday. Which is good, because it is the path I am taking now. Unfortunately Charlie is down at the moment and I can't speak to her about it because I haven't seen her since Friday. OK, so it's not a lifetime, but when I am used to a daily basis... it is. Hopefully I will see her this week and be able to make sure she is alright. Bless her. I pray she is because I am worrier and she my second worry at the moment.



My main worry is Andrew. My amazing cousin who works at the Ritz, London, but they're working him too hard and he has to hand in his notice. And he has been losing weight because of them. At least he is going to live back at home with Auntie Janet, his mum and Uncle Don, his step-dad - two of the most caring people I know and obviously what he needs right now. And he will be at home for Christmas.

At least I am looking on the bright side again :D

drinking alcohol

or not.

either way, that's my life.

and at the moment, i am riding the not bandwagon.

Being Different

This is the response I made to an excellent blog I comment on religiously every month, because it is my way of contacting some people I know back home, and putting it in my own way, rather than it being passed through hundreds of middle men. Check out the blog - http://cafesundae.blogspot.com/
Personally, I think being different is a good thing. As discussed at Cafe Sundae last month, and in the blog, I think it is the 'special' differences inside each of us that determine what we make of ourselves. I mean, if I wasn't that little bit stupid and willing to do most things put in my face (mushy peas), would 'Tait Modern' have been fashioned? Probably not. I certainly wouldn't have ended up where I am now, sat on my bed typing away, glancing up at the MANY pictures I have on my wall. I'd like to add that in a considerable amount of these photos (37%) I am wearing fancy dress or have some form of face paint on. Now THAT'S Maths and Difference for you. I just hope God approves, or every Friday night when I dress up as something or another, I am letting the Christian side down. And just so you know, my most favourite dress up EVER was when I painted myself blue, dressed as a smurf and jumped in disgusting coloured pond. Sorry Mum. Difference - go for it.

Being Different

Personally, I think being different is a good thing. As discussed at Cafe Sundae last month, and in the blog, I think it is the 'special' differences inside each of us that determine what we make of ourselves. I mean, if I wasn't that little bit stupid and willing to do most things put in my face (mushy peas), would 'Tait Modern' have been fashioned? Probably not. I certainly wouldn't have ended up where I am now, sat on my bed typing away, glancing up at the MANY pictures I have on my wall. I'd like to add that in a considerable amount of these photos (37%) I am wearing fancy dress or have some form of face paint on. Now THAT'S Maths and Difference for you. I just hope God approves, or every Friday night when I dress up as something or another, I am letting the Christian side down. And just so you know, my most favourite dress up EVER was when I painted myself blue, dressed as a smurf and jumped in disgusting coloured pond. Sorry Mum. Difference - go for it.

the floor.

Strewn with clothes and shoes and hangers, and weekend bags and suitcases. This can mean only one thing. ONE WEEK LEFT. As I have been so frequently reminded this weekend, I have only one week until I venture southward to London and back to university and all its splendour. However, this means I have to pack all my clothes into bags, which, as Auntie Janet and Uncle Don are karting my stuff down on Sunday, needs to be as neat as possible and probably in as least bags as possible. Luckily I have a mother who is currently allowing me to sit on my bed and type on my blog while she shows me a top and asks whether I wish to take it. Now I know for a fact that she will pack as I am perfectly incapable of that task, and she knows this and will therefore want to do it. All I have to do is remind her that there are clothes in the wash I DEFINITELY want to take, clothes I am wearing that I want to take and pack my bags for when I train it on Saturday. I have it quite easy I'd say.

Actually I might just get her to do it. ALL OF IT.

end of summer

.




As you can see, I go to A LOT of fancy dress parties.

i heart sunday

My alarm buzzes and I wake up from a rather good sleep and rub my eyes. I lie there for a moment to think about the dream I just had. I remember that I had decided to make mum a mug of tea before we go to Church Breakfast. I make the cup of tea and proceed to read my book while drinking tea with mum. We get dressed and head off to church for breakfast. As usual, breakfast at church is brilliant and to top it all off? My family are there: Granny, Mum, Auntie Janet and Uncle Don. After that, we go to do young church and teach the younger children about the story of creation and how God created the Earth. I teach them a song from Holiday Club, and I feel happy again. After church, I wait for Laura and Amy to come to see me for my birthday, even though it isn't until Thursday. As I wait outside on the trampoline, I perform my yoga moves I learnt at university, and as the sun warms my back, I hear the doorbell ring. Laura and Amy give me a gift, pyjamas and leggings, and we talk about all the things teenage girls are supposed to talk about together. Before they leave, I remember that this will be the last time I see them before I come home at Christmas, and I get sentimental. I don't cry, I just miss them already. Then my cousin, Sammy, and her boyfriend Matt came round and brought me a present; not to be opened until September 9th. I am also lucky enough to receive a visit from her brother, Andrew, my cousin who lives in London and works at The Ritz, who I get to see ONLY when I am at university now. And that is why today, I LOVE SUNDAY.

tomorrow.

like soon. always tomorrow, but at least it is a little bit closer :) It still doesn't stop me being so excited that the minutes go by THAT slowly, each one might as well be an hour. But seeing as though I will be sleeping the MOST of my wait for tomorrow, and the rest of it typing this blog or watching One Tree Hill, which, although both things are actually a little bit enjoyable, when the particular episode is seeming to go slower than life anyway, it doesn't really help. I might just go to sleep now. But you know how One Tree Hill is one for dreams? I wish I had one I wanted as much as these characters do. In fact, I do. I really want to be a teacher, a really good one. That's my dream. I just don't seem to be helping it along very well lately. I need to buck my ideas up this year. Update soon. God, soon again. Pft.

House Party? Pah.

So the house part last night was not so great. I planted the idea of having my birthday just in Altrincham, local town, easy to get home, cheaper and stuff, you know? But my friends were very stand-offish and so the party at Fordy's ended up a little... well boring to say the least. And everyone kept falling out so Emily and I were a bit annoyed and just wanted to come back to mine and sleep. So we ordered pizza. Then went home.

House parties? Not so great.

sooonnnn!

a lot of things.

soon this soon that. - why is it never now?
SOON mum will be home and I can get my food.
SOON Emily will be here and we can go to the party.
SOON it will be Saturday and Laura and Amy will come.
SOON it will be Tuesday and I can fetch Cassie and Craig from the coach station.
SOON it will be Thursday and I'll be 20
SOON I will be back at university away from my family.
SOON I will be able to see Iran and have fun with him again.

Why am I so exited for SOON. Why can't I be excited for NOW?

Or at least not be bored out of my ACTUAL MIND.

one month

since my last blog and the reason is that so much stuff has happened, that i have just not had TIME!

this pretty much sums it up:

Catherine Emily Tait's new theory on life is to give up completely, then when something good happens, it seems a lot better :)

oh Cassie, cheer up please, it is making me feel down and i haven't seen your pretty face since July.

being let down by Charlie doesn't help either

but a nice chat with Ella really seemed to make things a whole lot better.

Thank You and Goodnight.

excitement.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
miniminiminiminiminiminiminiminiminiminiminiminiminiminiminiminiminiminiminimi

i should explain...
i am VERY excited for holiday club.
another week with my beautiful friend who LUCKILY is just as crazy as I am.

WAY-als

vacation. holiday. vacances. vacanciones.

Whatever you call it, I went to Wales. It was A LOT better than anticipated. I loved it. I went with Mother Dearest and so naturally I was expecting an argument or two at the VERY least. HOWEVER, there were none. I thought there may be a bit of an upset to do with food as I eat not a lot, but she just accepted me for what I was.
Recommended places to visit:
Betswy-Coed
Llangollen
Chester
Port Merion
Crickieth
Llandudno
Conway

A Sibling in Ecuador

Having returned from London one week ago, and lived for one week without fights with my brother, that is to say, he isn't in the house at ALL. Yes, he is in the distant land of Ecuador, South America. He has been there three weeks already and he will be coming home next week, and I am shocked to say, I'm actually a little bit excited.
I was worried when he left, I was worried that he might not make it there in the first place, and there are all these diseases and I was very worried. But again, Facebook came to my aid and Chris had informed the world that he was safe. I breathed a sigh of relief. Since, he has been to Laguna Cuicocha, which according to him was awesome, as he was in his element whilst trekking around it and returning to Quito from Otavalo. I have never heard of these places, but looking at them on Google, well I'm in awe of them. They are beautiful! If anyone is reading this, look at them, you will be inspired. It inspired me to try so much harder, and it will help me achieve great things.
Chris's next feat was to undergo a project in the Amazon, to help build part of a museum, which he completed AS WELL AS swimming in The Amazon! How crazy is that? But so like him, he has always loved water, and I can't imagine him EVER turning down a chance to swim in water. He was next to start training for his Condor Trek, at the end of which he would climb the volcano Mount Cotapaxi. Tonight, I happen upon one of his best Facebook statuses yet. Here it is:
CHRIS TAITnailed Cotopaxi today, set off at 12:20 (just past midnight) and reached the summit (-20 degrees, 70kmph wind speed!!) at about 06:00, we then descended back to the refuge in 2hrs.....shame about the severed limb though ;) (8/11 of the people in our group made it :S)

SO to sum up, my brother is having the most amazing time in Ecuador, helping the people of the Ecuadorian life and creating his own experiences which I knw he will cherish for a VERY long time. I definitely know that reaching the summit of Mount Cotapaxi will be probably his most favourite ever. I can't wait for him to come back though.

home.

again i'm at home, and this time it is going well. maybe it is because christopher isnt here, but if i am truthful i really miss him. he is not going to be here for another two weeks and i cant bear it! and now i am trying to see if i am smarter than a ten year old. oh the joys of no working :)

one day,, two days

one day of placement left,, and then I can celebrate and enjoy life for about two months :)

the only thing i have to do now is pack... well that should be fun...

two days until I go home. THANK THE LORD

but,, I still have to pack...

oh dear, this isn't going well at all.

englandd;;

is the place i like to call home. SOMETIMES. Take today for example. The weather is amazing, probably the hottest I have seen it, at 31 degrees with sun and everything... that is pretty hot! I was sat outside quite happy doing my work and just got TOO hot, and that is rare for me, I can withstand heat.. just not the cold, but I refused to a place with cool air emitting from a place called an air conditioner and decided to watch the England - Germany game. BAD IDEA. I was quite intent to do my work after the match, hoping that I would feel a little better about myself when I have seen England try against Germany, but they have just lost catastrophically. AND the referee and his linesmen are retarded. As in fully blind. They must be to not think that was a goal. And now as I sit here at the computor typing this blog, I feel that my lack of doing work is NOT going to better itself for a while... Oh what to do... I might order food... that would satisy my hunger and encourage me to work... is Mammas open? OK,, now I am just wasting time... but yes. I will get a pizza.

that boyy i talk about.

He texts me most days,, and always there are kisses on the end of the text. I get to cuddle up next to him in his bed when we watch a film and he is going to come and see me while I am here. He always asks me how I am and whether my placement is going well. That shows he cares, and that is what matters.

life makes me happy sometimes

At the moment, life is treating me well. I touch wood in the hope that it is because I am carrying things out to the letter and doing everything properly and I am running to a schedule. I think that is what I needed, a schedule. Placement is actually helping me, I have my week back, and my times which I had at home, which mean I can take my tablets on time, and so I don't feel so damn tired all the time, and I defintely haven't been having those darned absences as frequently. Again I touch the wood on my desk, just out sheer terror that sod's law will inhibit some unruly absence and really make me feel quite sad. I have even managed to get back into reading which has made me particularly happy, especially as the summer is due to start.

FOUR WEEKS TO GO...gosh I'm excited.

Just a Note...

I really enjoy my last post... it is a proper downer on all things happy, and now I look back on how things spanned out, pretty much tells the truth about everything. Trust me when I say that

exaggeration is never NOT worth it.

It is like prerequisite as to the layout of things ahead. For example... although I had an acceptable day the next day with Grace, the evening wasn't so great as I fell out with one of my closest friends Charlie. Summer Ball was then to follow and because of the sheer awkwardness between Charlie and I, I was shunted from the group for the day and spent the whole day wallowing in my own self pity. That is to say, it turns out I managed to spend the day with three of the greatest people I might ever manage to meet: Cassie, Grace and Ella. The week which was to follow however made me feel like shit because I missed Charlie and was worried about what happen upon her return from Spain. However, there were some good factors to the week... my mum came down and I managed to spend the week with my friends being myself still, just without Charlie, which although I admit it was wierd, it helped me to see her side of the whole situation. However, when she did come back I went into shutdown and couldn't really deal with anything so when she SUMMONED me to sort the matter out, I nearly shat my pants. I was so nervous, but thankfully managed to keep my temper and not vent my anger long enough to have the matter sorted out in time to spend the last week of university with her and all the rest of my close friends.

EPIC,, I know

lifes a bitch then you die.

so epilepsy has fucked up my week totally. it was going to be fun and awesome with my friends but fuck that i decide to have a seizure and a panic attack. oh GOOD. thanks my oh so brilliant life, ill kiss you goodbye shall i?

<< My best friend ever. Cassie
<< I am an official member of the lollipop guild. LOVE.

I can dress up with paint on my face, be with my friends, be stupid and still look awesome and i am with the people i love.

oh yeah pictures! i forgot,

The brilliant flatreps Alex and Lacey, I LOVE. My brilliant girlies in E Block. Left to right: Me, Grace, Charlie and Alia

awight?

Yes this boy is very nice, and a brilliant personality, and I don't think I could say a bad word about him. Film watching was fun. More he suggests? Yes please sir. My very tickly burger king. Gotta Love Him. he even let me where his ' i am black chain' i feel priveleged.

life. just life.

i feel my life gets slightly better. i still haven't got my same cassie back i feel she HAS changed a little so i am breaking her in. like new shoes. which incidently i bought some new shoes t'other day,, FIT. i love em, they are awesome. however, the same day i ended up in an ambulance through cause of hyperventilation... WTF? gay gay times...

bt i have recently been on some lovely trips with my friend hannah who makes me want to cry with laughter every time she cracks a joke.

i have also had some fabulous times with my madagascar crew at bop and fezz,,, i fucking love em.

i am going to upload some pictures to illustrate the beautifulness that is life right now.

illnesses

they are overtaking my life. I return back home after about one month since last being here, and my mum has the weirdest illness ever. She chokes to death nearly, hanging over the sink being sick. Disturbed. Massively revolting.

And then my best friend rings me and is speaking as though she as drunk as sin and it is 10 am. Then she tells me hasn't drunk since two days ago and her right side is numb. I recommend her go to the hospital. One day later I receive a text telling me I was right and she has Meningitis. Now I have to ring her every night to make sure she is OK, because although she is many miles away anyway, I miss her much more now that I won;t be seeing her as soon as I get back to University. I don't know what I am going to do.

work

slowly gets better... I have completed 2 out of seven essays I have to complete and I have eleven days to do the other five. OK maybe I am not doing as well as I originally thought...

money problems

really should be the only problem in my life right now, even though I wish they weren't.

HOWEVER, I have problems with work and boys.

WHY?

work: I cannot so it and really should, I have eight essays to do in two weeks, start now please?

i really think i should go to a library somewhere and maybe life will sort itself out in that respect?

boys: Lewis still makes my heart race and he is so charming. Doug came back to mine on Friday night, we watched Prince Caspian and we were spooning a little, but he tried NOTHING!! - like not even a kiss!- Should I have done?

and now my pissing heart is beating.

can he stop playing with me? i need him there totally or not at all. i like him a lot and i can't have him because

a) he is my brothers best friend

b) everyone would frown upon me

c) he is younger

d) he has a girlfriend.

and it starts

as I knew it would. Things with Lewis have kicked off again. I mean, they did even when I was with Ben, I just can't help it, we are so close to each other. We are throwing compliments back and forth and reminiscing about all those times we spent together. Oh what to do?

Oh, and as predicted, today my friends definitely muscled their way into my so far 'just friends' relationship with Doug.

Friendship Groups

are much appreciated in my life. It allows me to be a little social butterfly skipping from friend to friend as I say hi to them all, but there is ONE particular friendship group that I cannot deal with at the moment. And unfortunately it's those ones that live up here in Manchester. TYPICAL.

Last night I went to Doug's house. Doug is the guy who my friends are trying to get me with. It also happens that Doug is in my friendship group, and having been in this situation before with Ben, I think that doing it again would not be such a good idea.

But on the whole last night was really nice, we watched a comedy and snuggled up on his sofa bed. If only it wasn't smarred with the texts of someone saying 'Go for it' or 'Please be more than friends'

I'LL DECIDE IN MY OWN TIME THANKS.

Being at home

progressively gets worse. It started off well and then I started to fall into my own ways and mother dearest remembers how she used to treat me. I do not appreciate this kind of treatment. I AM NO LONGER A CHILD. If I say I will get up soon, it means 'Leave me alone... I'm napping'. Even though countless years ago she WAS actually a student, i still don't think she quite grasps the concept of student life.

She doesn't understand that now, with such joys of Facebook and TVCatchup, I will be in my bed for a long while just staring at the computer screen. She then has the cheek to ask me how the internet can be so 'enthralling'. WELL. what can I say?

THEN THERE'S THE TIMES SHE COME IN MY ROOM WILLY NILLY. WTF? This morning for example, she walks into my room and asks me why I am not up. There was only one simple response. I looked at the clock so I could be precise and said, in the most monotonal voice I could muster 'It's 10:21'.

Some teachers

really are shit. I was NOT in my right mind and so a VERY kind friend took me to get food as I had not eaten. APPARENTLY this disrupted the class - EVEN THOUGH the teachers told us to go... and then she told me I was a christmas tree and treated me as though I was about 12. UNAMUSED.

These absences

are getting worse. I have had epilepsy for gone ten years now, and the absences have always been there. But for the past couple of months, i.e. since coming to uni, they have got significantly worse. On Wednesday I had six in one hour, went to sleep, woke up and had more. NOT GOOD. So as a normal person would I carried on taking my tablets, just more often than I did because I usually forgot. AND SO TODAY!!! I'm fine, then my tablets must have kicked in because I was seemingly drunk but hadn't touched a drop of alcohol since Wednesday. WTF?

this science revision

is not going completely as planned.
I started about six hours ago and only have three typed pages. Issue.
I so want to do well but this university and the people in it are too distracting. Facebook doesnt help either.
My best friend is also having issues. Hers are of a different kind. Sometimes. Mopst of the time it is Craig. Like now. Sometimes it is work, but she gave up on that at christmas. Ah well. I'm sure she is happy. Like I am. I'm happy that I can't revise because I am with my best friend talking about the unfortunateness of Craig and his many blunders.

feelings of the heart

Of the heart? Obviously there's a guy. His smile makes me crumble inside but no one seems to understand. Friends from home have decided on someone else. Friends from university know my previous boyfriend.

This guy is my friend, and is a shared friend of the previous boy in my life. Would this be awkward? Surely I shouldn't care. I don't. I know that he must have had an effect on me or I wouldn't be writing down how I feel like I am.

I am sat next to him and I feel happy inside; we have recently watched films together - surrounded by mutual friends, but I still feel more comfortable with him than anyone else on this earth. And now, just after saying goodbye to him for another night, I felt compelled to share my feelings with someone.

I had a grin on my face that even my best friend had barely seen. She commented on my grin and immediately suspected there was a boy. She was right. The grin wasn't there for any reason.

He is beautiful, he is Spanish, and he is genuine.

He walked me back to my block.

I gave him a hug and a friendly kiss on the cheek.

He left and came back to tell me he'd see me on Friday.

That was the reason for my grin.