Development

I have had a pretty rough month. What with one thing and the next, this month has been up there on the rough scale with those months at university where I just didn't know. Today I can truly say that my soul came back. I don't know where it had gone but it most certainly is back, and that is what is important. Now I can look forward, instead of looking back, and just look at the development potential now my soul is complete again. 

Yes I'm bringing this back to God because without God, I would not have made it through as quickly. Without fellowship and trust, this me, the happy, fun, crazy me would still be packed up inside a drawer yet to be labelled. 

I am so happy that my happiness has returned, that I feel replenished and I just want to shout God's praises from the rooftops. So I will. 

As well as feeling better in myself, I feel I have developed spiritually, and I think giving myself a strict reading routine has helped. I now make sure I read before I go to bed, and it just so happens that the book I am reading is about Jesus and developing the Kingdom.Life in you. I also feel like I may have grown up some. Maybe not entirely, but I think only in a jokey way. Sn in I have matured really, I just don't see why that means you have to be sensible ALL the time. Why can't there be times when you let your inner child out. Because let's face it; everyone has one. 

The book I am. Reading is called One.Life by Scot McKnight and is fabulous. I highly recommend it. 

Work, God, Realisation.

I always loved work. ALWAYS. And then it got tiring and I stopped enjoying it so much. Then I turned to God. Again. I know God is always there, I just need to learn to lean on him again. And tell as many people as I can that God is good, all you need to do is learn to trust him.

'Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight'
                          - Proverbs 3:5-6

In Christ Alone

I do love Sundays. But sometimes, a little too much clarification can be overwhelming sometimes. And not necessarily in a good way. Don't get me wrong, I love my Heavenly Father and Jesus so much, and I follow their word where I can, but some things I really struggle with. This Sunday for example, I gave my testimony about my favourite hymn! Stuart Townend's In Christ Alone. I got upset for the same reasons I always used to get upset and then Sunday night I started having doubts in myself and my faith. Upon reflection of that, I'm not sure that I approached the matter properly. I should have just prayed and known that these thoughts were not from God... But maybe I needed to have this understanding. Well, if that's not a thought for you then I don't know what is... I literally thought as I wrote down...

In Christ alone my hope is found, he is my refuge, he is my strength, everpresent in times of trouble. 

Also today, a wise old friend gave me this word. 

'Nothing is ever as bad as it seems'

I love old people. Particularly the wise ones. 

Birthday time

I had a surprisingly wonderful birthday. Wonderful. I got some glorious presents and although I was working, had an amazing time. And then we went to the Trafford Centre and got some tapas. And sangria. YUM. 

A whole lot of Spirit.

Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord. (Psalms 27:14 NLT)

God works in mysterious ways. But if we trust Him, He can show us His never ending almighty love. God's timing is perfect and as Christians, that is something we need to remember. Sometimes waiting for God to answer prayers is a challenge but if we truly and honestly believe that God's power is awesome, then we can find the strength to go on in Him. 

The last eight years have been a struggle for me. I carried a lot of regret in my heart and a lot of anger which not only affected me, but affected those whom I love. Only this year (three weeks ago) did I seek prayer for this. Three of us prayed and I truly desired God's love to take a hold on me. At the time I felt nothing, I just cried and became upset with myself for showing myself as weak. But the ultimate explanation for this is Jesus loves the weak. Then last week at Momentum 2013, the Holy Spirit came down and healed me of my anger. As I didn't realise how much anger I had stored, it scared me how long I was shouting for and then it became painful. Peace was prayed over me and a healing from this anger was brought into my heart, and it was meant to happen then. At a time when God was working wonders, He showed me how he can work wonders in me too, and the passion to share His word has increased in me tenfold. 

But I've called you friends because I've made known to you everything that I've heard from my Father. (John 15:15 GWT)

Jesus is our friend and in a church that is even unsure of Jesus as a brother, this is something which gave real encouragement to me as the concern I had for my church grew and grew. Luckily, Jesus was there to guide me through and showed me how His light always shines brightest. 

As you go, proclaim this message: ‘The kingdom of heaven has come near.’ (Matthew 10:7 NIV)

Bringing the kingdom of heaven therefore  into this church was always going to be hard, but now, with three of us on the same spiritual understanding and receiving the same messages from God, it can be done. Again this shows that the power of God cannot be defeated and He is always there as a rock on which we can stand. 

Therefore anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! (2 Corinthians 5:17 NLT)

I had a dream telling me about the church and although I didn't understand the picture at first, I felt compelled to share it. When I did, as a group we received clarification that we must become the seed that regrows into new life with Christ and shares the compassion in our hearts with the congregation so they can see Christ in us. One song in particular then became apparent that we had to use whilst praying over our church and welcoming God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit into the building and the hearts of the people in the church. 

'You made us for much more than this, Awake the kingdom seed in us! Fill us with the strength and love of Christ!' (Build your Kingdom here: Rend Collective Experiment)  

A new tent.

I bought a new tent for momentum. The last one I bought was a pop-up tent too... But less acceptable for a christian festival. So I had to take it back and buy this one. This one is bigger, more fun, and less... Weedy. You see, the other tent was for your average festival... With a massive cannabis leaf on the side. Totally inappropriate. So in four days I am going to 'pitch and go' and be totally drowned in the Holy Spirit. Because I can. 

Confused

I'm confused. I have dreams which don't match my feelings and then I can't help but think about my dreams in the day. And it's got me confused. So confused. I think I better pray about this one. 

Awesome in Power

This time last year I was in a confused place. I was in a relationship that although it was with a Christian, it was also sexual. When I went to Momentum with him and his church mates, I enjoyed myself so much and the Holy Spirit really latched onto me.

Messages received:
1. Improved relationship with my mum.
2. Improved Christan life and fellowship at Timperley Methodist Church
3. Hold off the Sex

1. The relationship with my momma has most definitely improved. I have spent this whole year at home and it has gone much more successfully than I first perceived. Amen to that.

2. Since Momentum last year, the minister at Timperley has moved to pastures new, I have been enlisted onto the leadership as a member of the younger church, and we have new youth worker. Now I am by no means considered youth in the eyes of the church, I am not even a student, I am a young adult. Luckily though, this new youth worker decided to dedicate her first few months to young adults and this could not have come at a more appropriate time. Six of the young adults associated with Timperley Methodist Church have been on a camp, with the youth workers, and joined a group called Connect. I was one of these 6, and the only one who was a Christian.In four days, we had lots of fun, as well as a good amount of worship time and bible study. After four days, the other 5 young adults gave their life to Jesus. Amen to that.

3. I decided after Momentum to tell my boyfriend at the time that I felt like we shouldn't have sex anymore. Temptation was high and there were plenty of opportunities, but I resisted temptation several times. Then he broke up with me in November. Opportunity knocked on New Year's Eve, with a different guy, and again I resisted. Not without getting closer than was necessary though. Then tonight, I was due to go to the party of this same guy, and the new youth worker told me to not go, to remove myself from the tempting situation. In a nutshell, I haven't been to the party. Amen to that.

I can't wait to go to Momentum again this year and I am really excited to see the work that God can do. Not only with me, but with others that I love, the church I go to, and the development of my relationship with God.

One week later...

Now I'm trying to commit and I can feel myself maturing as I do. It's taken me a week to get to the final Harry Potter because I've been so busy but I've committed to this film! And I have decided to spend the day doing jobs I should have done a while ago. Mainly because I've had no time to do it but also because I've been putting it off... Well this shall be a test, and this weekend will be a test if all time... How drunk can I NOT get and can I keep control of my blatant emotions? 

OH I KNOW.

What I wanted to blog about was the silliness that can be had when you hold it in so long. I am so serious at work, which is a good thing, but all the silliness has to come out somewhere (not a euphemism). And last night it did. In such a peculiar form. Luckily I caught it on video so everyone can see it.

starting to get awkward.

It is such a disaster. I cannot commit to anything. As in... ANYTHING. even potential partners. I can't even commit to a film. I mean, I am watching Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone again and can't keep my mind on the screen. I'm mind dawdling. I can't even remember what I wanted to blog about. PAH.

Broken Weekend.

This weekend my brother turned 21. Quite a milestone, and we had so much planned and so much happiness to be had. But Chris (my brother) was not feeling 100% and so he didn't drink nearly as much as he should have. I on the other hand DID... And I believe that has broken the weekend. I shouldn't have drank that much. But regrets are a waste of time and we shouldn't have them. So tomorrow is a new day and I am going to make sure I have no regrets. I might make the photos private on facebook though.

Don't Break the Chain

So I've spent the weekend devising a plan as to how I can get my life sorted I believe that if I keep to my previously stated promise and blog once a week then I can keep my mind tidy. Now there is also a popular saying: Tidy room, tidy mind. Therefore, I tidied my room. As in, properly tidied it. Clean as a frikkin' whistle. I've also decided to keep a 'Don't Break the Chain' list to keep me occupied and give me a visual. Hopefully this will also help me keep to my tablet schedule. Epilepsy is a tough thing to deal with after all. Even though it's now nearly 14 years down the line.

a time for commitment...

So this year something amazing happened. I completed a period of fasting. I didn't completely surrender all foods because that would be completely ridiculous but I did give up crisps for Lent. I gave up crisps because I thought that it would be easy because I never ate crisps that much... I realise that this is completely the wrong reason to give something up for Lent, but it turned out to be incredibly hard. BUT. I completed my mission! So now I realise that I can complete something if I set my mind to it. Therefore, I am going to post a blog once a week. And if I don't then I will ban crisps again. Maybe not for forty days and nights but for an appropriate period of time. This blog shall be the first of the current series and I hope to deliver joy and happiness to all who read this. I may even post a video or two from my youtube account.